In one of my previous entries, "Dear PAT, I Hate You," I mentioned that I lost a pair of my gloves during the commute from hell. They were cheap gloves, the stretchy once-size-fits-all kind, and they came in a two pack for under $5. Anyone else would have cut their losses and bought a new pair (or used their second pair), but no, not me, because I don't like losing things.
One time, in my younger days, after a night of debauchery, I awoke to discover that I couldn't find my favorite necklace, which I was certain I'd been wearing the night before. After digging around my apartment in the odd little places in which we sometimes place things unexpectedly, I discovered a single bead from my necklace in the bottom of my purse. Finding a single bead from a necklace that is comprised of glass beads on a string is never, never a good sign. I thought that maybe by some miracle of science it was possible that one bead had come off of the necklace with the rest of the necklace remaining in tact (impossible, I know), so I went out into my neighborhood to retrace all the possible paths I might have taken home the night previous.
On my way, I found a few beads scattered on the sidewalk and a bunch in the gutter. I started to pick them up and collect them in my pocket until I reached my friends' apartment, where I found the only other beads I could, buried in their sofa. I told myself I would restring the necklace and everything would be as it was - except most of the beads were chipped and part of the beauty of the necklace was in its intricate pattern, which I could never recreate, and I didn't have nearly enough beads anyway.
I also found four of the five pieces of one of my charm bracelets on the same trek. The missing piece, a silver ball that screwed on one end, remains hidden somewhere and will likely induce much head-scratching when it is discovered by the next, or next-next occupants of my friends' old apartment. The charm bracelet sits, useless (because without the secure ball on the end all the charms can fall off), on my desk as some sort of reminder that I should be a responsible human being. I look at it any time I want to feel guilty.
I gave up on the necklace however, realizing that two homages to guilt were a bit much and instead of making a shrine to all of the broken pieces, I crossed my fingers and went back to the shop where I bought it and bought the most similar necklace I could find, except that the colors aren't nearly as pretty (the old one was blue and green, this one is white and yellow). For some reason though, having the replacement necklace makes me feel a little better about breaking the old one, like I was able to partially replace something that was irreplaceable (or at least able to replace something that was handmade and imported).
So, I'm ridiculous.
Anyway, a few days after the commute from hell, I decided to retrace my footsteps from bus stop to front door and see if I couldn't find my missing gloves. I knew I'd opened my bag on the bus just before my stop, seen them buried among my things, closed my bag, and then exited. I figured I had a pretty good chance of finding them.
I figured out a way I could get to the bus stop and retrace my footsteps making a perfect loop through my neighborhood so I wouldn't have to make any u-turns or re-walk the same path once I reached the bus stop.
About a block from the bus stop, I saw a little black mound in the snow. Sweet nectar, my gloves migrated! As I reached the little black mound, I discovered a pair of black gloves, but they were not stretchy, they were fleece. Damn. I thought about taking them in lieu of my missing gloves but decided, ultimately, that one of the greatest small joys I experience is finding a lost item, and so to deny someone else that potential joy seemed unfair. I continued on.
A couple blocks away, retracing my footsteps, I saw another black mound sticking out of the snow. Success! I approached the second black mound only to discover that it was a pair of leather gloves this time, instead of my stretchy gloves. The only notable thing about these gloves, other than the fact that they were the second pair of black gloves on my path that weren't mine, was that one of them had been filled with snow, which then melted and later refroze so that it was filled with a block of solid ice. I tapped the ice hand on a retaining wall as I contemplated the odds of finding two pairs of black gloves that were not my mine. Since I couldn't remember a thing from stats I settled on guessing that the odds were pretty low, but higher than I would like to imagine, simply because most adults wear black gloves.
I walked home, defeated and gloveless, but content in knowing that I had at least tried.
Two days later I found my black gloves stuffed in my sock drawer, no doubt placed there by me when I was feverishly unlayering all of my many layers after the commute from hell.
Yep.
Also, if anyone knows where I can get those strings that kids wear to connect their gloves to their coat sleeves, I'd be much obliged if you'd tell me.
UPDATE:
Amazing! I just googled "don't lose your gloves" (trying to look for those little glove strings) and the first hit I got was for a CNN article about a Web site that a Carnegie Mellon student started in Pittsburgh, www.onecoldhand.com, to reunite people with lost gloves! Apparently it has branched out to other cities since it's inception so go ahead and check to see if your city has one.
You can read the article here.
I am off to see if those gloves are still where I left them, and if so, to take them to a drop box. This made my day.
Showing posts with label Annoying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Annoying. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
List of Pet Peeves/Annoyances
About nine months ago, I started a list of things that annoy me, while visiting family with my Dad. I only added five things to the list, but a few weeks ago I guess you could say I was in the "annoyance zone" because they came quickly, like channel 11 news anchors to a fire. Any fire. The results were surprising, and more poetic than I would have anticipated. Here goes nothing:
Pet Peeves/Annoyances
* - If you are in absolute shock right now, read my blog "Public Service Announcement"
**-It may sound like I'm being defensive, and maybe I am, but I have these friends who moved from this boho city, to another boho city, and think it's fantastic simply because it's different - (and I bet this happens everywhere). Baltimore kills me - Oh you moved to a formerly industrial city, trying to forge a new image, with a famous hospital, a surprisingly vibrant arts community, and a football team that sometimes struggles, and sometimes kicks ass? CRAZY. Next thing you know you're gonna tell me that it has an ivy-caliber university (that isn't an ivy) and some amazing aquarium, or zoo!
-In another vein, I've encountered people who can't seem to consider themselves successful as human beings unless they have lived in, or near, New York City. I feel sorry for them. I think you appreciate New York the most when you want to be there, not when you are afraid to be somewhere else.
Pet Peeves/Annoyances
1) Sassy speed limit signs i.e. those in Montgomery Village. (At the time, I drew a picture of the signs in my notebook - the Arabic numerals look as though they were written by a carefree, self-assured architect signing a check. They are like italics, but only if "italics" could drink apple-tinis and then criticize your outfit.
2) Saying "heidgth" or "heigth" instead of "height"
3) Houses with brick front and vinyl siding - who are you fooling? (And no, this isn't a result of snobbery. Houses with all vinyl or wooden siding look fine, it's the literal facade of brick that kills me.)
4) When people say "foward" instead of "forward"
5) The way my dad says "wah wah wah" like a baby, when I'm complaining about something.
6)Super passive-aggressive conversations that culminate with the phrase "can you repeat the question?"
7)Eudora
8) Trying to do anything logical or practical in Excel. Not gonna happen.
9) "Lil" - in any place, or any context; at any time, and before, or after, any word or phrase.
10)People who whole-heartedly (and often passionately) believe that freedom of speech only applies to thing they like to hear, want to hear, or agree with.
11)People who think "Hair of the Dog," by Nazareth is "Son of a Bitch," by AC/DC.*
12) People who assume Pittsburgh can't possibly be cool because they grew up there/nearby.
13) People who assume that people who stay in Pittsburgh do so out of some short-coming, failure, or fear - and not out of choice.**
14) Getting an earache from sitting in a smokey bar too long.
15) The (proposed?) smoking ban. It's a slippery slope. If the government is truly concerned about the harmful effects of smoking, they ought to ban cigarettes. Until that day comes, I'd encourage you to wonder who is lobbying for these freedom-reducing measures (and they are, crazy as that sounds), and wonder if isn't some powerhouse health care provider, interested in decreasing the amount they have to spend on health care coverage for smokers...
16) Non-profits that turned half of one billion dollars in profit last year.
17) Take a minute to think about that.
18) People who walk on the dunes and wonder why their $8 million cottage washed away in "hurricane nickelback" last year.
19) People who walk on the dunes (period).
20) Nickelback.
21) That bald ADA who made a snide comment about my job when I was summoned as a juror in a murder case.
22) Getting a 76 cent travel stipend added onto my $9 jury pay, when the city government knows very well that it costs $1.75 to ride the bus to the courthouse, and $1.75 to ride the bus home from the courthouse (and at least - and I am being so generous here - $5 to if you decide to drive, and then park downtown).
23) Having a chat with a guy who likely shot someone in the face, so he can assess my character.
24) Realizing I don't actually believe people are innocent until proven guilty.
25) Knowing people assume what my political affiliations are, based on some of my favorite books (1, 2, 3, label me!).
26) Having my political affiliation changed on my voter registration because some db begged me to sign a phony petition because I was his "last signature" and if I signed he could "go home."
27) That smug girl who said I should have known better.
28) Knowing I should have known better.
29) Anyone who has ever stolen anything from their mother.
30) Cutting my fingers when I'm eating whole crabs and then getting old bay seasoning in the little cuts.
31) Cold wind blowing up my skirt.
32) Pantyhose. Ugh.
33) Second-hand smoke in my hair. (And see, I still don't support the smoking ban!)
34) Young politicians with major responsibilities that fell into their lap, who seriously abuse their new-found power. But I'm not mentioning any names or anything.
35) Julia Roberts
36) The fact that Julia Roberts named her twins Phinnaeus and Hazel
37) The fact that I know that.
38) Dave Grohl
39) Ergo, the Foo Fighters
40) Also, the bass player from the Goo Goo Dolls
41) People who make both Cs soft in words that start with a double C - ie "a-sess-ory" instead of "ack-sess-ory."
42) Colbie Caillat. What kind of self-respecting adult uses the phrases "silly place," "crinkle my nose," and "bubbly face," in a song that isn't written for children?
43) The fact that, in June, I called DPW, my state representative, and the mayor's 311 help line, about a SINK HOLE in front of my house. And today, December 11th, a guy from a sewerage company came to my house and told me he was trying to establish the cause of said sink hole, and could I please flush some dye down my toilet (and remember to flush twice).
44) People who don't use their turn signals
45) People who honestly believe that using their turn signals will "give away [their] next move." (I'm talking to you, paternal nuclear family member who shall remain nameless.)
46) People who complain too much
47) When my dog headbutts me in the shnoz.
-More to come someday, I'm sure.
2) Saying "heidgth" or "heigth" instead of "height"
3) Houses with brick front and vinyl siding - who are you fooling? (And no, this isn't a result of snobbery. Houses with all vinyl or wooden siding look fine, it's the literal facade of brick that kills me.)
4) When people say "foward" instead of "forward"
5) The way my dad says "wah wah wah" like a baby, when I'm complaining about something.
6)Super passive-aggressive conversations that culminate with the phrase "can you repeat the question?"
7)Eudora
8) Trying to do anything logical or practical in Excel. Not gonna happen.
9) "Lil" - in any place, or any context; at any time, and before, or after, any word or phrase.
10)People who whole-heartedly (and often passionately) believe that freedom of speech only applies to thing they like to hear, want to hear, or agree with.
11)People who think "Hair of the Dog," by Nazareth is "Son of a Bitch," by AC/DC.*
12) People who assume Pittsburgh can't possibly be cool because they grew up there/nearby.
13) People who assume that people who stay in Pittsburgh do so out of some short-coming, failure, or fear - and not out of choice.**
14) Getting an earache from sitting in a smokey bar too long.
15) The (proposed?) smoking ban. It's a slippery slope. If the government is truly concerned about the harmful effects of smoking, they ought to ban cigarettes. Until that day comes, I'd encourage you to wonder who is lobbying for these freedom-reducing measures (and they are, crazy as that sounds), and wonder if isn't some powerhouse health care provider, interested in decreasing the amount they have to spend on health care coverage for smokers...
16) Non-profits that turned half of one billion dollars in profit last year.
17) Take a minute to think about that.
18) People who walk on the dunes and wonder why their $8 million cottage washed away in "hurricane nickelback" last year.
19) People who walk on the dunes (period).
20) Nickelback.
21) That bald ADA who made a snide comment about my job when I was summoned as a juror in a murder case.
22) Getting a 76 cent travel stipend added onto my $9 jury pay, when the city government knows very well that it costs $1.75 to ride the bus to the courthouse, and $1.75 to ride the bus home from the courthouse (and at least - and I am being so generous here - $5 to if you decide to drive, and then park downtown).
23) Having a chat with a guy who likely shot someone in the face, so he can assess my character.
24) Realizing I don't actually believe people are innocent until proven guilty.
25) Knowing people assume what my political affiliations are, based on some of my favorite books (1, 2, 3, label me!).
26) Having my political affiliation changed on my voter registration because some db begged me to sign a phony petition because I was his "last signature" and if I signed he could "go home."
27) That smug girl who said I should have known better.
28) Knowing I should have known better.
29) Anyone who has ever stolen anything from their mother.
30) Cutting my fingers when I'm eating whole crabs and then getting old bay seasoning in the little cuts.
31) Cold wind blowing up my skirt.
32) Pantyhose. Ugh.
33) Second-hand smoke in my hair. (And see, I still don't support the smoking ban!)
34) Young politicians with major responsibilities that fell into their lap, who seriously abuse their new-found power. But I'm not mentioning any names or anything.
35) Julia Roberts
36) The fact that Julia Roberts named her twins Phinnaeus and Hazel
37) The fact that I know that.
38) Dave Grohl
39) Ergo, the Foo Fighters
40) Also, the bass player from the Goo Goo Dolls
41) People who make both Cs soft in words that start with a double C - ie "a-sess-ory" instead of "ack-sess-ory."
42) Colbie Caillat. What kind of self-respecting adult uses the phrases "silly place," "crinkle my nose," and "bubbly face," in a song that isn't written for children?
43) The fact that, in June, I called DPW, my state representative, and the mayor's 311 help line, about a SINK HOLE in front of my house. And today, December 11th, a guy from a sewerage company came to my house and told me he was trying to establish the cause of said sink hole, and could I please flush some dye down my toilet (and remember to flush twice).
44) People who don't use their turn signals
45) People who honestly believe that using their turn signals will "give away [their] next move." (I'm talking to you, paternal nuclear family member who shall remain nameless.)
46) People who complain too much
47) When my dog headbutts me in the shnoz.
-More to come someday, I'm sure.
* - If you are in absolute shock right now, read my blog "Public Service Announcement"
**-It may sound like I'm being defensive, and maybe I am, but I have these friends who moved from this boho city, to another boho city, and think it's fantastic simply because it's different - (and I bet this happens everywhere). Baltimore kills me - Oh you moved to a formerly industrial city, trying to forge a new image, with a famous hospital, a surprisingly vibrant arts community, and a football team that sometimes struggles, and sometimes kicks ass? CRAZY. Next thing you know you're gonna tell me that it has an ivy-caliber university (that isn't an ivy) and some amazing aquarium, or zoo!
-In another vein, I've encountered people who can't seem to consider themselves successful as human beings unless they have lived in, or near, New York City. I feel sorry for them. I think you appreciate New York the most when you want to be there, not when you are afraid to be somewhere else.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Mr. Big Stuff
I've seen a bothersome man on the bus for the past few days in a row.
I couldn't decide what bothered me about him, until I realized that every time I see him I ask myself, "Who do you think you are?" and then mentally scoff. This led to me calling him "Mr. Big Stuff," when referring to him in my mind. After giving him a smarmy nickname (and patting myself on the back for giving him said smarmy nickname), I started putting the name with the melody, so now everytime I think of Mr. Big Stuff, I hear the chorus to the song in my head (which, as it turns out, is simultaneously entertaining and annoying).
Mr. Big Stuff is obviously riding the bus to get to work (there's no crying in baseball, and there are no colleges in the South Side). Despite this, he carries a Marc Jacobs bag, and is usually adorned in a puffy vest, J. Crew jeans, and a self-righteous smirk. He chews his gum with dramatic satisfaction, and every day he exits the bus after me, but somehow speed walks past me, a block or two after the bus stop.
This is infuriating.
I speed walk after him when this happens, but he has the distinct advantage of not wearing heels.
This morning, when he walked past the available seat next to me, only to sit with another stranger in the back of the bus, I imagined how his gum would go flying down the bus aisle if I stuck my foot out at just the right moment.
My boyfriend says I'm ridiculous and that it's is all in my head*. I hope he's wrong.
Who do you think you are, Mr. Big Stuff?
PS: I imagine I will eventually befriend this poor young man and delete this blog, full of guilt and embrassment.
*My father, as it turns out, is in complete agreeance with the boyfriend. Is anyone on my side?
I couldn't decide what bothered me about him, until I realized that every time I see him I ask myself, "Who do you think you are?" and then mentally scoff. This led to me calling him "Mr. Big Stuff," when referring to him in my mind. After giving him a smarmy nickname (and patting myself on the back for giving him said smarmy nickname), I started putting the name with the melody, so now everytime I think of Mr. Big Stuff, I hear the chorus to the song in my head (which, as it turns out, is simultaneously entertaining and annoying).
Mr. Big Stuff is obviously riding the bus to get to work (there's no crying in baseball, and there are no colleges in the South Side). Despite this, he carries a Marc Jacobs bag, and is usually adorned in a puffy vest, J. Crew jeans, and a self-righteous smirk. He chews his gum with dramatic satisfaction, and every day he exits the bus after me, but somehow speed walks past me, a block or two after the bus stop.
This is infuriating.
I speed walk after him when this happens, but he has the distinct advantage of not wearing heels.
This morning, when he walked past the available seat next to me, only to sit with another stranger in the back of the bus, I imagined how his gum would go flying down the bus aisle if I stuck my foot out at just the right moment.
My boyfriend says I'm ridiculous and that it's is all in my head*. I hope he's wrong.
Who do you think you are, Mr. Big Stuff?
PS: I imagine I will eventually befriend this poor young man and delete this blog, full of guilt and embrassment.
*My father, as it turns out, is in complete agreeance with the boyfriend. Is anyone on my side?
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