Long ago, I had a question for everything...

Two nights ago I found out that my friend's older brother died tragically young in a car accident. I didn't know his older brother well, but there was a time when I was very close with my friend. Anytime I hear that anyone I know has died, my heart wrenches in my chest with all too much familiarity.

I called my father to tell him I'd be coming home sometime soon. He asked me why, and when I told him that I had to attend a viewing he responded, "Jesus, again?"

My father is not a cold man; he was expressing genuine shock. He went on to say, "You must have been to 10 times as many funerals as me." (The knowledge that my father is 40 years older than I am was implicit to both of us.)

I, and my group of friends, have lost more young people - far more young people- than any other person my age that I know, or have heard of. Most of our friends and acquaintances have died in car accidents - all of them have died tragically young.

We're not a reckless group of people. We're not a bad group of people. Some of our friends were risk-takers, others were incredibly responsible and cautious. Some of their deaths may have been preventable (but how can you even measure such a thing?) and others definitely were not.

The only thing our friends had in common, aside from dying too young, is us. I know it has crossed all of our minds - that there is some connection between the deaths, or some "curse" among us. Everyone knows it's ridiculous and untrue, but still you reach a point where logic and emotion blur together, and when what once seemed completely irrational, begins to seem the only logical explantion - well, let's just say there are only some manys ways to put the pieces of a puzzle together.

I mourn this loss, and all of the other losses. My heart goes out to you, Eric. My heart goes out to you, and your family, and your friends, and your fiance.


Eric Gamalinda wrote:

"Long ago I had a question for everything
but now I know better: everything goes
and only the questions remain."

And so far, this is the only truth I know.