Happiness Is Not a Fish You Can Catch (?)

I read a couple of articles today that contradicted something I have preached for years. The article said that at least half of our happiness (if it can be measured in halves) is out of our control, and is linked to genetics. I say that we are in control of our happiness.

I say we are in control of our happiness because I've seen evidence of this in myself. When I make an effort to be happy, I am happier. I'm not saying I can control bad things that happen around me. I certainly can't control the sad things that happen around me. I'm not even even advocating that happiness is in the way we handle the bad things around us; I believe that we must strive for happiness at every opportunity, and welcome it from every possible source.

Simply stated, the little things add up.

I learned a few years ago that if you laugh at every opportunity - if you see the humor and absurdity in life - your days are immensely more pleasant. I laugh at myself when I trip over my dog. I laugh at myself when I forget that I didn't turn the nozzle to "hot" in the shower. I laugh when I tuck my skirt into my underwear. I laugh at the absurdity in life (I have a picture on my cell phone of a piece of paper I found sitting atop a stack of magazines in an apartment lobby that read "free/ $1" - and it's not even the inherent absurdity in the sign - it's the fact that (and I know I have stated this before) I thought that only happened in movies). I eagerly welcome happiness.

And I believe that everyone can do the same.

I can't control the things I see on the news. I can't control when loved ones die. I can't control when I, or someone I love, catch(es) a bad break.

But I can play with my dog. I can read Calvin & Hobbes. I can listen to funny stories anytime anyone offers to share them. I can look at myself in the bathroom mirror and laugh at the fact that I sometimes resemble a sad-looking Bridget Jones. I can laugh at the fact that my sister just discovered that my youngest niece really enjoys throwing things in the garbage can - so much so that my sister now has some mateless shoes. I can laugh at the fact that I once heard my mailman confiding to another mailman that "some days I just don't deliver the mail" (and come on, that's wayyyy annoying). I can laugh at the fact that some drunk stole a piece of my porch furniture, and a month later my neighbor saw it about a mile away while he was on a run, veered over, picked it up, and carried it over his head as he ran it back to me. I have to laugh about the fact that my boyfriend got two flat tires in two weeks (Pittsburgh roads SUCK!).

So I guess this study would argue that I am, genetically speaking, one of the lucky ones. That I have personality traits that allow me to find happiness where others can't. I am all of those things that they say most happy people are - social, compassionate, at least mildly extroverted - but I don't like the idea that unhappy people will dismiss the work I put into being happy, the choices I make, the deep breaths I take so as not to lose my cool over stupid things, the lessons I am constantly trying to learn - I can tell you right now, happiness didn't just happen to me.

I had a conversation with my parents a few months ago about the way they raised me and how appreciative I was of their parenting. I grew up believing I could do anything. Okay, now, I know that sounds like rhetoric cause every kid says that - every mildly successful person says that, and it annoys me. But for me, I really, really believed it. I still believe it. I fully believe that even though I am not working to be a published writer right now, that if I decided to I could absolutely be successful (with a ton of hard work). I even believe that even though the sciences are not my passion, I could, say, go to medical school if I wanted to. Maybe that's delusional, but no harm done because I don't want to go into medicine. Anyway, I explained to my parents that, because of them: "I don't believe that the world happens to me, I believe that I happen to the world."

And I apply that to a lot of situations where I see myself differing from other people. When I see things that don't work properly, I try to fix them, and most often do fix them. If something is making me unhappy, I try to get to the root of it and fix it. When I feel down for no reason, I make an effort to get more exercise (endorphins!) and get outside for longer periods of time (vitamin D, baby).

As such, I'm confident that, even when bad things come my way, I'm going to stay strong and find my happiness again.

This brings me to the second thing I read today - and I read so much today that I don't remember if it was in the same article as the previous one - that stated that if your happiness were to be plotted on a graph (with level of happiness on the x-axis and age on the y-axis), it would form a "U" shape. The study found that people's happiness declines until the age of roughly 44, wherein it bottoms out, and begins to ascend again.

How depressing is that?

While I could personally refute the first study (at least to my own satisfaction, I'm not actually dismissing it completely, I'm just saying it doesn't hold true for me and I don't think it's cut-and-dry sentence of unhappiness to those people for whom it might apply), I have no idea what it's like to be 44! Frankly, getting old scares me. Maybe this is what will eventually unravel my happiness. But I really hope not.

I hope that even if, when I'm 44, things are not at all what I foresee now (which is that I will be married, mothered, jobbed, and housed), I can find happiness in whatever life I'm leading.

Ultimately though, I think that the thing that will most ensure my future happiness is to not worry about stuff like this. This is the kind of thing that could be my undoing, so this is the kind of thing I should ignore. I can't change the fact that I will someday (most likely) be 44 years old. I can't change the fact that I am going to lose more people I cherish.

The only thing I can do is take each day as it comes, and suck as much happiness out of it as I possibly can - spend time with the people I love, try new things, fix problems, and live my life in such a way that, each time my alarm clock wakes me up, I look forward to the day ahead of me.

I choose happiness ( regardless of what my genes dictate, or the number of years I have lived), and I have to say, I am pretty happy with that choice.


Here is a link to at least one of the articles I read: http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1721954,00.html